Monday, December 27, 2004 ♥
My ups and downs
Today the results were out....I was really disappointed. All the people I know scored better than me, maybe I shouldn't compare, but instead focus on getting better grades next time round. But the impact was really great. Dad and Mum say I should look on the bright side, they are proud that I have tried my best. Even sis says so. Maybe they are right. I did pass all my modules and managed to survive this difficult sem. Yet I can't help but feel guilty I have allowed myself to get this kind of grades. It's strange that I worry more about this results than A-levels!
At the same time, I have broken down countless times than ever during this sem. It was really a tough time. I really want to thank my family for been there for me every single moment right up to the final day of the exam, even though I may vent my frustrations on them sometimes. Thank you god for giving me such wonderful and supportive parents!
It's ironic that in this sem I suddenly realised friends were like a buoy I struggled to reach yet not able to hold on, always drifting away from me. Looking back, I 've been thinking who are really my friends? Did they do their duty as the term friends were defined? Do they treat me as a friend? Or was it me-my attitude? Why do I feel so out of place with them? Lately I have been looking at things around me, people, objects, news with a different perspective. It's overwhelming, Yes, that's the word, something I would call a tiny discovery in my life. Maybe to others they may not understand what's the big deal all about including studies and results, but I find this discovery important to me. I have come to realised everyone have different kinds of faces, in this society, it's all about survival, the best will survive to enjoy the best things in life while the weak will less likely thrive. It's nerve-wrecking that my feelings can turn good and bad the next min. I am greatly affected by mood swings and incidents happening which I feel it's not a good thing at all.
I really hope for the next sem to be better, a new start for me to make more friends, learn new things and hopefully get better results. Someone once said to me, "Time will wash away your wounds." I really hope so. 2005 is coming in a week's time, cheers! Right now, I just want to focus on passing my driving test tomorrow.. will be keeping my fingers crossed!
